Tag Archives: strength

Give Up Or Give In

We have two choices:  We can either give up OR we can give in…

You may be thinking, “Um, what’s the difference?”

Stick with me, kid, and I’ll let you in on a little secret.

When you think of “giving up”, what automatically comes to mind?

give

Maybe something along the lines of –

Failing…Losing…Less than…Without…

The official definition of “giving up” is: cease making an effort, resign oneself to failure.

What about “giving in”?  What words pop into your head now?

Back down…Submit…Quit…Concede…

Here is the official definition of “giving in”: cease fighting or arguing; yield; surrender.

Both of these phrases tend to have a negative connotation BUT…if you’ve been following my blog for any length of time, you know we aren’t about the negativity here.

What if “giving in” meant something else?

What if “giving in” meant that you were giving in to your goals, to your dreams and desires…that you were in fact surrendering to them and letting them happen (and making them happen) INSTEAD OF “giving up”.

There are a plethora of reasons people “give up” before they even begin… because it seems too hard or you don’t think you can do it or others don’t think you can do it or you don’t have time or you don’t have the money or you have kids or you work too much or you have too many obligations or you are too tired or you don’t know where to start or…I could go on but I think you get the picture.

Giving up is easy.  It’s for amateurs.  It’s for the nay-sayers.  It’s for the weak.  For the faint of heart.

It is NOT for YOU.

Giving in…that’s what YOU need to FOCUS on.

they

GIVING in to your fear…letting it engulf you…envelope you…cocoon you…because you know that if it scares the hell out of you…than that is exactly what you should be going for.

Give in to your imagination.  Picture what it will be like when you fit into those jeans or write that novel or buy the house on the beach or have the job you want or the relationship you desire.

Give in to the BIG goals.  And I mean BIG- things that you think others were meant to accomplish instead of you.  Things that you are scared to even say out loud because you’re afraid others may laugh at you.

girl

Give in to what you want…to what you can’t stop thinking about…to what keeps you up at night…

Give in to THAT.

And…when you do…there is NOTHING you can’t do.

Just Go For It

I’ve been taking a lot of risks lately – not physical risks like skydiving or bungee jumping…but more of the emotional type of risks.

I have just been going for it – and guess what?  It feels AHH-MAZING!

better

I’ve been reaching out to people and asking them to be a part of my team (Team Fight For Fit).  I’ve been asking people if they would like to join challenge groups to work on their health and fitness.  I have been connecting with old friends I haven’t seen in a while (like years) and asking them to hang out.

I am going after what I want.  I am going after what I want my life to look like.  I’m being more authentically ME.

Even when the people I reach out to don’t respond or they say no – you know what?  I feel PROUD.  I’m proud of myself.  Proud that I tried.  Proud that I won’t keep wondering “what if” because now I have an answer.

The rejections I get.  The silence on the other end.  It means I’m LIVING.  It means I’m working towards my dreams.

And do you know something else I’ve recently realized?  It’s not about whether the person says yes to joining my team or not.  It’s not about whether the person responds or not to my offer…it’s actually NOT about the outcome at all.

Before, I used to think it was ALL about the end result.  That’s how you measure success – how many “yes’s” you get, how many people you recruit, how much money is in the bank – BUT I’m here to tell you it’s NOT!

As I put myself out there more and more, share my personal thoughts and feelings, share my transformations (inside and outside) I realize it’s all about the PROCESS.  It’s about who I am becoming.

I am becoming STRONGER.  More confident.  More sure of what I want for myself.  Of who I want to be.  Of my purpose in life (besides wife and mother).

woman-walking-tightrope

So, today I say to you:  Do what scares the CRAP out of you.  Do that one thing that you are afraid to do.

Climb that wall.  Jump that hurdle.  Because, what’s on the other side is BEAUTIFUL.  It may not look like what you expected, BUT it’s beautiful all the same.

 

 

Success and Failure

slight edgeI just finished reading the Slight Edge, by Jeff Olson (I highly recommend it!) and one of the things that resonated with me the most was this:

“If you want success, you need to double your rate of failure.”

 

Kind of seems counterintuitive doesn’t it?  But…think about it for a minute…

In fact, let’s break it down.

What does it mean if you’ve failed something?  It means you’ve TRIED!  Yes, it means it didn’t work the first time (or maybe the second or the third) BUT it means you put effort in.

When you fail, you have learned…you have grown…you have changed and that is NEVER wasted effort.

It is SO much better to fail than to never try in the first place! (Seriously awesome words of wisdom right here, by yours truly)

Have I always thought like this?  Heck no!

I used to think if I failed at something, that was it.  I was done.  It was over and I was not going to accomplish whatever it was I was trying to do.   I thought I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, smart enough, creative enough, fill-in-the-blank enough.

I used to think that I was destined to live a “normal” life.  To go to school, get married, have kids and that was pretty much it.  But I have found, over this past year as I began this health and fitness journey, that life can be so much more for me…or for you… or for anybody!

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I was the only one putting limits on myself.  I was the only one preventing myself from dreaming big.

Then I started coaching.  And I started reading a ton of personal development books and guess what???

I know things to be totally different now!  I know that I am capable of what ever I set my mind to.  I know that I can dream BIG and think BIG and do BIG things.  I know this because anyone one of us…no matter who you are, your background, your education, your current situation….you CAN reach your dreams.

There is NO greater power than the power of determination.  And I am determined, no matter how many times I fail (in fact I hope I fail because that means I’m trying) I will achieve my dreams.

they say

They are big.  They are scary.  But they WILL happen.

 

 

 

 

Tips to Reaching Your Goals/Dreams:

  1.  Write them down.
  2. Set a timeline (I will accomplish this by….)
  3. Tell others about it (another layer of accountability)
  4. Make a dream board and look at it EVERY SINGLE DAY.
  5. Set short term and long term goals
  6. Read 10 pages of a personal development book daily
  7. Write down some daily affirmations, tape them to your bathroom mirror and look at them every day AND say them out loud to yourself in the mirror EVERY SINGLE DAY
  8. Write down 3 things you are grateful for EVERY MORNING.  (Keep a notepad by your bed so it’s the first thing you do before you even get up)
  9. Surround yourself with others who lift you up, who have big goals and dreams and who are supportive
  10. Believe in yourself – Believe that you can and will do this.

We All Fall Down

Vulnerability. Shame.  Fear.  Failure.  Disappointment.  Heartbreak.

We have ALL experienced it. If you are alive, you have felt it.  If you are alive, you have been through it.

This does NOT mean you are weak or frail or insignificant. Just the opposite!!!

It means you have LIVED. It means you have LOVED.  It means you have TRIED.  It means you have DREAMED.

birds

Brene Brown says that this is how you measure COURAGE. Courage does NOT belong to those who hide behind the veil of perfectionism.  Courage does NOT belong to those who seek out the easiest path to success.  And courage does NOT belong to those who refuse to ask for help.

Courage is for those who FAIL, who FALL, who TRY, who NEVER give up, who keep FIGHTING, who keep DREAMING.

We all fall down…We all fail…but the question is, then…do we all get back up and TRY AGAIN?

Successful people do. Successful people NEVER give up, NEVER stop fighting, NEVER let others tell them they can’t…no matter how many times they fall down…no matter how many scrapes and bruises they accumulate falling, they get back up.

And…they try AGAIN.

It is easy to stay down when you’re defeated. It’s easy to hide under the covers when you’re sad.   We all want to do it.  I want to do it!!!

But, here’s the thing…successful people ALWAYS get back up. Even if they have to hobble.  Even if they have to limp or stumble or ask for help…they get back up…they show up…and they never, ever give up.

They choose to do the hard thing. They choose to do what others will not.

girl hiding

For many, many years, I chose the easy route. The hide-under-the-covers route.  The coward’s route.  I couldn’t face it.  Any of it.

I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror. I didn’t like who I was.  I didn’t like who I was with.  I didn’t like how others treated me.  I didn’t like how I treated myself.  I didn’t like how I felt on the inside.

BUT I didn’t do anything about it either.

I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what to do.

So, instead of reaching out, I hid. I hid behind my forced smile.  I hid behind my makeup and fancy clothes.  I hid from myself, from my friends, from my family…I didn’t let them see the REAL me.  I didn’t have the confidence.  I was too scared.

Gradually, as I got older, I started to care less about what others thought and started to care more about what I thought.

And then…I started coaching…I started helping other reach their health and fitness goals while working on mine and everything changed…my confidence, my body, my self-esteem, how I felt about myself, how I felt about others, how I interacted with my kids…all of it.

I started paying attention to me, to what I needed so I could then give others what they needed.

Now, when I fail, I get back up and I tell myself “It’s okay. Try again.”  Now, when I don’t reach my goals I say, “It’s okay.  You did your best.  Let’s start over and try again.”

And the thing is, I know it really will be okay. Maybe not right now.  Maybe not right at that moment or even a few days later…but it will be…eventually…because I am stronger than I ever knew.  I am more capable than I ever knew.  I am more wonderful, just as I am, than I ever knew.

pic of me

 

I rather fall, and fall, and fall some more then stay underneath the covers. I rather show up, every day, live my life, wear the cuts and scrapes as battle scars and keep on fighting because every day truly is a blessing.  And without those falls, you haven’t really lived.

And I CHOOSE to LIVE.

This is Daring Greatly

Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgement and advice we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability.  This is daring greatly. – Brene Brown

WOW.

This is DEEP. This is raw.  This is REAL.

Read this quote again….

and again….

and one more time…

Let the words really sink in.

vulnearbility

This is a quote from Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, which I recently started reading.  She is a shame researcher.  Say what?  That’s a weird job description, right?  She interviews people, has done TED talks and writes books about shame and vulnerability.

Does just thinking about that word – shame – make you feel icky inside? It sure does for me.  When I hear the words ‘shame’ and ‘vulnerability’ I want to hide under the covers and not come out.  I want to change the subject and talk about the latest movie I saw (Wait, who am I kidding?  I haven’t been to a movie theatre in months…I’m a mother!)  Those words ignite a physical reaction within me, sort of like vomit (sorry to be so graphic) getting stuck in my throat.

To be totally real with you, I actually started reading this book a couple of months ago but only got through the first chapter. I returned it to the library and thought – this isn’t for me.  I don’t need to read about this.

But here’s the thing, I kept thinking about it. I kept thinking about the book, about how this lady with a PhD has written several books and has dedicated her entire life to this cringe-worthy subject.

Then I started to listen to Your Kick Ass Life podcast by Andrea Own (which is totally awesome) and she kept referencing this researcher and her books. She would quote Brene Brown from time to time and each quote she mentioned struck me in a real, to the core kind-of- way.

Then, finally, the tipping point was this: I realized as I travel further down the road of my health and fitness journey, as I discover more about myself and my dreams and how big they really are, I am opening up the doors for vulnerability and shame to flood in.  I am putting myself out there, out there in real life and in cyberspace.  There are going to be disappointments (shame) and setbacks (more shame) and people are going to know about it and see it (vulnerability).

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I have a choice: I can either play it safe and protect myself from ridicule, judgement, shame and vulnerability OR I can GO FOR IT.  I can give it my all and no matter the outcome, at the end of my life, I will know in my heart that I NEVER gave up and that I did my BEST and tried my BEST and that the bad AND  the good were all WORTH it because I fought for my dreams and went for my dreams and that I made a difference, maybe not in the whole world, but at least in MY world.

So…I went back to the library and picked up a copy (again) and decided I would read and finish this book because it keeps coming up in one way or another.

I am only a few chapters in and all I can say is I am SO glad I gave it another try!

Shame and vulnerability are a MAJOR part of the human experience. They cannot be avoided.

We can either let it defeat us OR we can let it shape us into a stronger, more courageous person.

i am daring greatly

What will you CHOOSE?

(Seriously, I want to know what you choose so contact me! Either comment below, email me or find me on one of my personal social media pages!)

 

Resources:

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown can found here à http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=daring+greatly+brene+brown&tag=googhydr-20&index=stripbooks&hvadid=52958279515&hvpos=1t3&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7652714581452591413&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_7saanfclxf_b

Andera Owen’s website and podcasts can be found here à

http://www.yourkickasslife.com