Tag Archives: self-esteem

Just Go For It

I’ve been taking a lot of risks lately – not physical risks like skydiving or bungee jumping…but more of the emotional type of risks.

I have just been going for it – and guess what?  It feels AHH-MAZING!

better

I’ve been reaching out to people and asking them to be a part of my team (Team Fight For Fit).  I’ve been asking people if they would like to join challenge groups to work on their health and fitness.  I have been connecting with old friends I haven’t seen in a while (like years) and asking them to hang out.

I am going after what I want.  I am going after what I want my life to look like.  I’m being more authentically ME.

Even when the people I reach out to don’t respond or they say no – you know what?  I feel PROUD.  I’m proud of myself.  Proud that I tried.  Proud that I won’t keep wondering “what if” because now I have an answer.

The rejections I get.  The silence on the other end.  It means I’m LIVING.  It means I’m working towards my dreams.

And do you know something else I’ve recently realized?  It’s not about whether the person says yes to joining my team or not.  It’s not about whether the person responds or not to my offer…it’s actually NOT about the outcome at all.

Before, I used to think it was ALL about the end result.  That’s how you measure success – how many “yes’s” you get, how many people you recruit, how much money is in the bank – BUT I’m here to tell you it’s NOT!

As I put myself out there more and more, share my personal thoughts and feelings, share my transformations (inside and outside) I realize it’s all about the PROCESS.  It’s about who I am becoming.

I am becoming STRONGER.  More confident.  More sure of what I want for myself.  Of who I want to be.  Of my purpose in life (besides wife and mother).

woman-walking-tightrope

So, today I say to you:  Do what scares the CRAP out of you.  Do that one thing that you are afraid to do.

Climb that wall.  Jump that hurdle.  Because, what’s on the other side is BEAUTIFUL.  It may not look like what you expected, BUT it’s beautiful all the same.

 

 

Broken is Beautiful

Have you heard of the Japanese art of ‘kintsukuroi’?

japanese pottery

I just heard about it today at work and thought it was absolutely perfect and beautiful…It means to glue a piece of broken pottery back together with gold lacquer…to restore something that was once broken and make it even more beautiful than it was before.

Do you know what this reminds me of? LIFE!

No matter who you are, no matter what you do, no matter where you live, no matter what you have…we all have hardships we must face. To be alive is to know pain. To be alive is to know struggle. To be alive is to know shame and vulnerability and sadness.

BUT – we can either continue to hurt and fall deeper into this chasm of pain and despair OR we can turn it into something beautiful and amazing and meaningful!

These scars, whether they are visible or not, whether they are on the outside or on the inside, can show our strength, our determination and our courage. We can wear these imperfections as a badge of honor, as proof of not only what we’ve been through but what we’ve overcome.

No, we won’t look the same ever again and we won’t feel the same ever again BUT we will be more beautiful than ever before because this is what’s REAL. This is LIFE.

I have imperfections (gasp).  I have hang ups (double gasp).

I have been through some HARD stuff in my life (just like you).

jap writing

I have been through break ups where it literally felt like someone had ripped my heart right out of my chest, threw it on the side of the road and ran a 18-wheeler right over it.  I seriously thought I was going to die.

But low and behold…I survived.  And I was stronger because of it.  Not only did I get stronger, but I ended up being grateful for those break ups.  Looking back, if I had ended up with any of those guys I would have already been divorced by now.

I’m grateful for these relationships, for these learning experiences because they eventually led me to my husband.

I’ve dealt with addiction in my nuclear family.  I watched my family fall apart, piece by piece, until there was nothing left but some dust on the floor.  I watched my parents get divorced after 41 years of marriage.   And even though I was 25 when they got divorced, it still hurt like hell.   BUT  I survived.

I have dealt with low self-esteem my ENTIRE life.  I have hated myself, wished I was someone else, wished I had been born in someone else’s body and wished I would just die.

BUT now, after years and years (literally) of working on myself, my issues and my hang ups, I can truly say I am loving who I am today.  I am finally at peace.  I am finally content.

I am the person I am today because of all the people who have walked in and out of my life, or walked in and stayed.  I am who I am today because of the experiences I’ve had, because of what I’ve endured, what I have chosen to do, because of what I have learned, what I have worked hard for and because who I have chosen to be.

me outside

Even though these things I’ve been through were excruciating at their worst and hard at their best, I can honestly say I wouldn’t change a thing.  Because the cracks that these experiences have left behind…I have filled them up with gold…and they are beautiful.

 

You know I love to hear from you!  Make comments, share your opinions and share this blog on all of your personal social media pages!

 

 

HOW do you talk

most dangerous stories

 

I have a question for you….how do you talk to yourself?

And no, I don’t mean where you are when you talk to yourself (we all do it, don’t lie) or why you talk to yourself or where you are when you talk to yourself…I mean HOW.

HOW do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake? HOW do you talk to yourself when you look in the mirror?  HOW do you talk to yourself when you accomplish something?  HOW do you talk to yourself when you fail?

It’s kind of a hard question, isn’t it? Most of us don’t think about what we actually say to ourselves.  It’s automatic.  The thoughts just come and that little voice whispers in our head and then we go on our way and we either end up feeling like crap because of that little voice or we end up feeling really good because of that little voice.  It can go either way.

These automatic thoughts are SO important because they impact how you feel! Did you know that your thoughts can determine how you feel about yourself?  About your life?  About other people?

Did you know that you can CHOOSE to change your thoughts? You can CHOOSE to change how you feel about yourself, your life and others.

That’s impossible – you might say – I don’t have control over my thoughts or how I feel.

BUT…you do!!

Now that we’ve talked about this and I’ve pointed these automatic thoughts out to you, you’ll start noticing them. You’ll begin to listen for that voice inside your head.

What is it saying to you? Do you find a lot of automatic negative thoughts running through your head?  Then STOP them and CHANGE them!

You may think I’m nuts (and that’s okay) and you may think I’m full of feces (and that’s okay too) but I encourage you to try it anyway!

Here are some steps you can take to start changing things around

  1. Notice your automatic negative thoughts. Pay attention when they come.
  2. Argue with them. Tell them off. You can say something as simple as: Stop. I’m not going to think like that anymore.
  3. Replace that negative automatic thought with a positive one.
  4. That’s it! Easy, right?
  • Actually, no…it’s not…but it is possible.

It takes practice. How do I know?  Because I do this!  I still have negative thoughts (gasp) but I also know how to combat them.  Some thoughts take longer than others to grapple with.  Some are more ingrained in others.

It’s freakin’ hard BUT I also promise you it’s totally and completely worth it!

 

blog post pic

I’ll give you one of my own examples:

My automatic negative thought:  I am not a good mother because my child keeps having tantrums.  I am doing something wrong.  I can’t fix this.  It’s getting worse.

  • Result – I feel like crap about myself. I feel like I’m not good enough or worthy enough to be a mother.

My positive thought that I CHOSE to replace this negative thought with:  I am enough.  I am doing the best I can.  I am trying.  This is a phase.  It will eventually pass.  I will support her, love her and give her what she needs as best I can while keeping in mind that I have to take care of myself too.  It will eventually be okay.

  • Result – I feel better. I don’t feel wonderful or perfect, but I feel better. I know I have the skills and strength to get through this.

Do you see how that works? It’s AMAZING…seriously.

Practice this! Treat yourself with kindness!  Pay attention to your thoughts and talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend!

Here are some resources to guide you further:

http://www.therapistaid.com/content/0087.pdf

http://danielamenmd.com/3-quick-steps-to-stop-negative-thinking-now/

Book Recommendation: You’re a Badass by Jen Sincero

Book Recommendation: 52 Ways to Live a Kickass Life by Andrea Owen

 

DON’T FORGET:  Sharing is Caring!!  Share this with others on your personal social media pages!!

 

 

 

 

 

Across the Bridge

“Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can’t cry it away. Or eat it away. Or starve it away. Or walk it away. Or punch it away. Or even therapy it away. It’s just there. You have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it. And love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge built by your own desire to heal.” – Cheryl Strayed

WOW.

sad girl
This is real, y’all! This is raw. This is life.
Life is not perfect. Life is not easy. Life is going to throw all kinds of crap your way and then sit back and watch you struggle to make a choice as to what to do with it…Did you catch that? A CHOICE…you have a choice. You can CHOOSE to either let the crap hit you in the head and knock you down OR you can choose to stand up and fight.
I’m going to share something with you. It’s not something I like to share openly because truth be told, even though this happened several, several years ago, it still hurts when I really stop and think about it. I hurt for the girl I used to be. I feel sad for what I let happen to me instead of CHOOSING to make something happen.
I didn’t have many friends growing up. I got picked on a lot. I was ALWAYS the last or second to last person to be picked for the kickball team during P.E. I was not athletic. I was not cute. I had buck teeth. I was scrawny and I had big, round glasses.
I didn’t feel good about myself. I didn’t like how I looked or who I was. And people knew it. How? I don’t know, but people pick up on that crap in a heartbeat and attack every chance they get.
I think 6th grade was my nerdiest year. It was also my worst year. I had one friend, maybe two.

sad girl 2
At lunch, my friend and I would sit at the furthest table in the back of the cafeteria, as if we wanted to blend into the white, plaster wall. She also had thick glasses, thicker than mine and was incredibly scrawny and as you can guess, not athletic in the least. When she missed school because she was sick or on a trip, I didn’t have anyone to sit with in the cafeteria.
I’m sure you can remember what a school cafeteria is like – a swarm of kids, all of those judging eyes, the popular kids sitting at a few tables in the middle, the rest of the kids scattered about the cafeteria, desperately trying to fit in.
On the days that I didn’t have anyone to sit with, I chose to slink to the bathroom, sit on a toilet seat (so gross) and either eat my sandwich or cry or sometimes, if I was really hungry, I would cry and eat my sandwich. What can I say? I’ve always been a multi-tasker…

I didn’t tell anyone about this. No one knew. Not my family, not my mom, not my dad…no one. The humiliation was too deep. At home I could pretend that everything was fine. And then I could get into my bed at night and cry myself to sleep.

Thankfully, I am not that girl anymore. But it wasn’t a short ride. It was a long, bumpy, arduous and scary road. Sometimes I got lost along the way. Sometimes I thought I was taking a shortcut but I would end up right back where I started. Sometimes I gave up and had to begin again when I finally got up off my knees.

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I am still riding along that road, trying to find my way, but the difference now is I know who I am, where I’m going and who I want to be when I get to the other side of that bridge where my happiest and best dreams are.

I am telling you this because I am proof that you can CHOOSE what to do with your life and how to live it. You can CHOOSE how to handle the hard stuff. You can CHOOSE to take care of yourself, to eat right and exercise, to take care of your mental and emotional health or you can CHOOSE to make excuses. It’s up to you.

Here are some resources to help you:

Articles:
http://www.essentiallifeskills.net/overcoming-adversity.html

5 Tips on Overcoming Adversity

Book – Daring Greatly by Brene Brown – find it here:
http://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419
Book – 52 Ways to Live a Kickass Life by Andrea Owen – find it here:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1440564779/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1440564779&linkCode=as2&tag=yokiasli-20
Website:
http://yourkickasslife.com/

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These Are More than Just Muffins

muffins 2

At first glance, these may look like ordinary, (healthy of course,) banana muffins. They have all the ingredients a typical banana muffin has (which I bet you’re curious about just what those ingredients are because you know if I make them, they are HEALTHY and TASTY so have no fear – I’ll share the recipe at the end) BUT it’s what they represent, to me, that makes them more than a mid-morning snack.

I have always cooked and baked healthy – that’s nothing new. But, what is new, is how I made them, when I made them and what was going on while I made them.

I was holding my son, who didn’t feel good and did not, by any means, want to be put down. I was holding him, in my left arm, (my weaker arm) all 23 ½ lbs of him, AFTER just doing a power lifting workout that morning.  Does that mean a lot to you?  Well…maybe not…BUT it means a whole lot to me!

First of all, I set my alarm for 6AM so I could get up before everyone else, while the house was still quiet and peaceful, and enjoy my workout. (Which, by the way, would NEVER have happened, oh, let’s say, 6 months ago or so.)  So, not only did I get up early and crush my workout, but my arms and shoulders were S…O….R…E, sore!!!  And then my little man needed to be held and he was all snotty-nosed and puffy-eyed and pathetic and so of course, I accommodated him.  Which meant that I held him in one arm and baked with my other.

muffins 1

Which means…that I’m getting stronger! It means the daily workouts I’ve been doing at home are paying off in big ways!  I can carry my kids around easily!  I can easily give them piggy back rides and I can hold them in one arm and cook or do other various things with the other.  That’s HUGE for me and it means A LOT to me and I’m damn PROUD of myself for it!

But wait….there’s more! (I know you’re excited.)

While I was making these muffins, holding my son in my tired arms, I was also on a conference call with my team! We were discussing strategies and getting some training on how to help people make the same kind of positive changes that I’ve been making and continue to make every single day!

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So, after all of that, what do these muffins specifically mean to me? They mean CHANGE.  They mean the start of something NEW and WONDERFUL and INSPIRING and EXCITING!  I am not the same person I was when I started this journey back in October of 2015. ..

And the muffins are proof of that!

Are you wanting to bake some life-changing muffins also? Well, here’s the recipe…

 

Skinny Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Ingredients

1 1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour or white whole wheat flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

3 bananas

1/4 cup honey

1 tablespoon vanilla

1 tablespoon olive or coconut oil

1 egg

1/2 cup nonfat plain Greek yogurt

1 tablespoon unsweetened almond milk

1/2 cup chocolate chips (I use Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips)

 

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray 12 cup muffin tin with nonstick cooking spray. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda and salt.

Add bananas, honey, vanilla, oil, egg, milk and yogurt to a blender. Blend on high for 1 minute or until well combined, smooth and creamy. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix until just combined. Gently fold in chocolate chips.

Divide batter evenly into muffin tin and bake for 20-25 minutes or until tooth pick comes out clean or with just a few crumbs attached. Cool muffins for 5 minutes then remove and transfer to a wire rack to finish cooling. Muffins are best served warm and even better the next day.

 

http://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/2014/09/30-minute-skinny-banana-chocolate-chip-muffins/

 

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