10 Feb Across the Bridge
“Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can’t cry it away. Or eat it away. Or starve it away. Or walk it away. Or punch it away. Or even therapy it away. It’s just there. You have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it. And love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge built by your own desire to heal.” – Cheryl Strayed
This is real, y’all! This is raw. This is life.
Life is not perfect. Life is not easy. Life is going to throw all kinds of crap your way and then sit back and watch you struggle to make a choice as to what to do with it…Did you catch that? A CHOICE…you have a choice. You can CHOOSE to either let the crap hit you in the head and knock you down OR you can choose to stand up and fight.
I’m going to share something with you. It’s not something I like to share openly because truth be told, even though this happened several, several years ago, it still hurts when I really stop and think about it. I hurt for the girl I used to be. I feel sad for what I let happen to me instead of CHOOSING to make something happen.
I didn’t have many friends growing up. I got picked on a lot. I was ALWAYS the last or second to last person to be picked for the kickball team during P.E. I was not athletic. I was not cute. I had buck teeth. I was scrawny and I had big, round glasses.
I didn’t feel good about myself. I didn’t like how I looked or who I was. And people knew it. How? I don’t know, but people pick up on that crap in a heartbeat and attack every chance they get.
I think 6th grade was my nerdiest year. It was also my worst year. I had one friend, maybe two.
At lunch, my friend and I would sit at the furthest table in the back of the cafeteria, as if we wanted to blend into the white, plaster wall. She also had thick glasses, thicker than mine and was incredibly scrawny and as you can guess, not athletic in the least. When she missed school because she was sick or on a trip, I didn’t have anyone to sit with in the cafeteria.
I’m sure you can remember what a school cafeteria is like – a swarm of kids, all of those judging eyes, the popular kids sitting at a few tables in the middle, the rest of the kids scattered about the cafeteria, desperately trying to fit in.
On the days that I didn’t have anyone to sit with, I chose to slink to the bathroom, sit on a toilet seat (so gross) and either eat my sandwich or cry or sometimes, if I was really hungry, I would cry and eat my sandwich. What can I say? I’ve always been a multi-tasker…
I didn’t tell anyone about this. No one knew. Not my family, not my mom, not my dad…no one. The humiliation was too deep. At home I could pretend that everything was fine. And then I could get into my bed at night and cry myself to sleep.
Thankfully, I am not that girl anymore. But it wasn’t a short ride. It was a long, bumpy, arduous and scary road. Sometimes I got lost along the way. Sometimes I thought I was taking a shortcut but I would end up right back where I started. Sometimes I gave up and had to begin again when I finally got up off my knees.
I am still riding along that road, trying to find my way, but the difference now is I know who I am, where I’m going and who I want to be when I get to the other side of that bridge where my happiest and best dreams are.
I am telling you this because I am proof that you can CHOOSE what to do with your life and how to live it. You can CHOOSE how to handle the hard stuff. You can CHOOSE to take care of yourself, to eat right and exercise, to take care of your mental and emotional health or you can CHOOSE to make excuses. It’s up to you.
Here are some resources to help you:
Book – Daring Greatly by Brene Brown – find it here:
Book – 52 Ways to Live a Kickass Life by Andrea Owen – find it here:
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